I
felt You as I fought from the womb,
barely formed, stunned to silence.
You warned me of a hard life,
but I didn’t believe You.
I heard You spew hatred from my
own mother’s lips, teeth bared,
eyes soaked with blatant loathing -
but I didn’t believe You then, either.
You appeared as mean children,
dirty little hands, teasing, mocking –
pointing out my shyness, throwing stones.
Did You think Your costume clever?
You’ve tripped me many times,
laughed as I landed on unsteady feet -
daring me to cry as I hissed in anger,
an indignant cat; unconvinced.
I recognized You in my darkest hours
when fear and blackness loomed,
threatening to drown me in confusion,
but even then I knew it was all a lie.
My tail wags though You beat me,
for each curse is but a test –
I believe only in Your boundless love;
and learn from all the rest.
Written
March 24, 2003
Disbelief
